Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Fare thee well, Nikon.

My new 24-70mm 2.8 lens arrived today. It is a standard lens that many professional photographers use. It is good for weddings and photojournalism. I hope to pick up a 50mm 1.4 and a 70-200 mm 2.8 in the coming months. Then I can chill out for a little bit.

I can't believe how much all of this stuff costs. This is getting real expensive, real quick. I am fortunate to have a loving partner who doesn't make me feel guilty about pursuing my passions to the fullest extent possible. That in itself is priceless to me.

Unfortunately, my new 5D Mark II body has not made it yet. It will arrive at some point tomorrow. Not much I can do with the new lens but look at it, wondering what it will allow me to do. My new "glass" feels sturdy and looks great. In the end, I know it is not my gear, but the person who uses the gear that makes the picture.

Just holding my new lens in my hands provided enough confirmation that the workmanship and quality of my new gear far exceeds that of my first DSLR camera and equipment. This is the real deal.

A part of me feels a little bit of fear. Up until now, I could blame my shortcomings on my amateur gear. Now, I can't really say that anymore. I don't have top of the line gear, but I'm a short step down from it. This is where I need to step it up or essentially become the type of person I absolutely never want to become: the person whose gear greatly outmatches their capabilities and skills as a shooter.

Fear of failure has always driven me to dig down deep and perform to the highest God-given levels possible. I am about to find out just what I am capable of. I am allergic to failure. If I have to taste defeat, I will taste defeat. But you can bet your ass that I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening. There is some residual fear, as I wonder what if, just what if my best is not actually good enough.

I need to quit worrying about this kind of crap and just make things happen. I used to think that was my specialty, but lately, I am starting to think I just suppressed my fear better in the past. I didn't know any better. Now I know, and the world can be a scary place.

I consider myself a loyal person, but today, I officially have to let someone down gently.

Goodbye, Nikon. You've been a good friend.

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