Swing of the Pendulum

In all things there exists a unique innate balance. Whether you strive to find it or not, sooner or later you will irresistibly be moved back closer to the natural order that things are meant to be in. The universe can only tip so much before crashing down violently back into place. This principle would appear to apply to most things in life. At the center of that dynamic is the delicate balancing act between form and function.

Lately, I am discovering that my creative spark is a little dull. Like many others, I was first drawn to photography by the creative possibilities. I loved to tilt. I enjoyed color manipulation. I was constantly on the lookout for fresh composition opportunities. I look back at my earlier photography, and I can't help but feel that I was much more wild and loose (known as creative by lazy wannabe artists everywhere) in my approach. This is evident in the resulting images.

Over the past two years, I have honed my technique. I spent many hours learning the ins and outs of my equipment and the fundamental principles of not just photography but also art. Time and money have been invested in this endearing and rewarding craft. While there is always more to learn, I am comfortable with my technical abilities and approach. Despite this, one day I woke up and realized that my creative spark was stalling. How could this have happened?

I want to rediscover elements of the photographer I used to be. At least for my personal projects, I want to recklessly follow creativity for its own sake.

It is now time for the pendulum to swing back.

Green Energy

---

I recently had the opportunity to travel to Italy, and I found it to be a very fascinating place. As far as design and fashion goes, Italy definitely takes things way off to the "form" side of things. On the opposite end of that spectrum would probably be Germany, where efficiency and "function" dominate the landscape. Milan was a fascinating little city which perhaps is the greatest showcase of Italian style and attitude, but I was more drawn to the smaller cities which fall away from large metropolitan areas. There is a certain warmth and kindness that I find in most countries that is prevalent only away from big cities.

There was something very inspiring about the Italian way of doing things, which can be frustrating from a pure business standpoint but aesthetically provides endless amusement and awe. And as for the food, wine, and espresso.... there is nothing that I could say that would do justice to their quality and goodness.

I didn't have much time for my photographic pursuits in Italy, but I will be processing those images shortly.

Stay tuned.

Baby Portraiture & More Thoughts on Fatherhood

My son has been the perfect guinea pig for honing my baby/child photography technique. Overall, photography-wise there is very little that is different from a standard shoot. You still look for light. You use it or manipulate it to your liking. Composition is composition. I've been trained to have my subjects wear solid colors, but this time, I just felt like breaking the rules a little bit.

The one main obvious and significant difference is that a baby doesn't take direction very well. Posing is not an option. However, you can set a kid up to eventually find his/her own pose. I like to call my approach DCP, which stands for "documentary child portraiture." I kid. I kid. However, for all the photos in this set, I did not pose my son, nor was he able to follow my instructions very well. I am sure any child photographer reading this would have known from the start that it is pretty much impossible to pose a child so young. Unless you are one of those people who can communicate with dolphins, I think this is pretty much a normal phenomenon.

I knew the light in this location was exactly what I was looking for, and I was relatively happy with the background. That really opened things up so that I could focus on getting my son to do what I wanted, namely what he wanted to do. There are only a few ways you can really set up a baby who cannot sit up on their own, most of which involve lying on their stomachs or propped up on pillows. I would not recommend laying a baby on their back, because that usually will result in less than flattering images.

Working off those base positions, I created an optimal environment for my son to break out into his own poses. Later on, I introduced some props. I was ready to capture moments as they happened, with some occasional encouragement. I used to laugh when photographers would say they knew their equipment well enough that they didn't have to look through the viewfinder, but I found myself doing just that at a few points during this shoot.

Traditionally, I haven't enjoyed child photography, but seeing my son's personality come through during the shoot and in these photos has definitely changed my mind. I have come to enjoy the unique challenge that baby photography presents.

Poor little guy has been through his share of sessions already, including a particularly lengthy HD video project. But my shoots don't last more than 10-15 minutes. I get what I want quickly and that is that. Minimal stress on the child and optimal use of my time. Win-win.

I look at my son and wonder what kind of world he will grow up in. There is no question that he will be a little more soft, since he will not be growing up in New Jersey but Northern Virginia. Since my parents were immigrants to the US, there were many things they didn't quite understand about my childhood or American society at large. Technology and access to information also probably helps me make more educated and thoughtful choices than my parents were able to. By no fault of their own, I had to do quite a bit of figuring things out on my own. And I would have it no other way.

How will the world change in the next 20 years? How will America change? Every Asian kid on a playground in America has experienced some degree of teasing about their heritage. For the most part, I think it was just ignorance and a touch of maliciousness, and I write it off as a rite of passage for any immigrant. When I was in grade school, people asked me constantly if I was Chinese. I guess they got a little smarter (or a little less dumb, but still dumb), because by the time I was in high school the average American knew enough to ask me which Korea I was from. And today? I guess for the most part, it's pretty benign like the occasional manager at work who thinks I should be adept at IT because I am Asian. And sometimes you can only laugh, as I had to the time an older gentleman I worked with gave me a small sack of rice because he knew that I "would appreciate it." I just pray that none of these old troubled Vietnam vets loses it and goes on a killing spree, because I am pretty sure they won't be able to tell the difference between me and the Viet Cong, or any other Asian ethnicities for that matter.

I find myself going back and forth between wanting to give my son every edge in life that I wish I had and letting him figure things out all by himself. And I don't necessarily mean material comforts, though there is no question that he will also enjoy more of those things. And quite frankly, I don't know what the right answer is or if there is even such a thing as the right answer. It's a lonely world out there. It's a cold world. I really want my son to be able to navigate the unknown and do it well. Because realistically, there is no amount of preparation that will help you foresee every situation or handle every hurdle that is thrown your way. My son smiles his charming little smile, but flirting isn't going to open all the doors. Sure he will fail. I even hope my son fails from time to time- but that he gets right back up and gets going where he wants to go, where he is meant to go.

I feel privileged to see this little man grow up every single day. Hopes? Expectations? I wonder if there is room for my own hopes and dreams to be embodied in this little guy. Is he big enough to also carry the weight of my dreams? I only wish that my son will be able to do all that his little heart desires. Whatever his dreams may be, I hope that he will be able to pursue them and perhaps one day reach them. Perhaps it is selfish, but that is my dream.

STOP! Grammar Time.

I cannot stop laughing at this animation, so I thought I would share.

Go Hammer! Go Hammer!

On a serious note, bad grammar is everywhere. And not just on Asian stationary. Maybe it is my experience in PR and editing or my inherent perfectionist nature, but I see grammar and spelling mistakes all over the place- even in published material. As a gesture of grammar goodwill, I've even sent correspondence to Coca-Cola and American Express about errors in their promotional material. Of course we all fall victim to errors in writing from time to time, but some people are serial offenders, wantonly and mercilessly tearing through prose like Godzilla on a miniature replica of Japan.

I've always been kind of a stickler on this. Even gave an old girlfriend a grammar book, because she really needed some guidance. I tried to be funny about it, but at some point, the poor writing just got to me. Yes, I acknowledge that I am probably a bit extreme, but I like to think I am running my own personal public service announcement on the dangers of bad grammar.

Just say no to bad grammar.

Keep America Beautiful. [Indian sheds a tear]

Friends don't let friends use bad grammar.

Take a bite out of bad grammar.

Only you can prevent bad grammar.

This is your brain on bad grammar.

Any questions?

Eric LeGrand Believe Fund: My Pledge

2011 (Originally written as 2010. I am truly behind. Thanks GS Lady!) started a few months ago, but this has been on my mind for quite some time. I've been moving to get my act together and push forward on various initiatives (including my website), but I believe the effort and time it takes to create something of high quality is well worth the wait.

A football player from my alma mater was severely injured during a game last season, and the incident has been weighing heavily on my heart since then. The grit, determination, and heart of this young man has truly been remarkable as he rehabs his way from partial paralysis. Football may just be a game, but it is a game that mirrors life and has far reaching impact and implications beyond the playing field.

[Clip about Eric LeGrand and support from the NFL]

So with this post, I am officially pledging to donate $100 for every photography gig I book. And this is a commitment I am going to honor until there is no more Eric LeGrand Believe Fund.

So keep choppin' Eric, and thanks for being an inspiration. You are a warrior.

We all face varying degrees of hardship and adversity in our lives, and I hope to act with the class, humility, and heart that you have displayed in the face of my own personal struggles.

I bELieve.

meditations in an emergency

on edge at the edge

As I grow older, I am finding that any preconceived notions of what is just and what is fair have no bearing on the unfolding of events in reality. The stakes rise, but the same arbitrary principles seem to govern the fine line between success and failure. As the stakes rise, so do the finality of outcomes. There are far fewer opportunities for redemption or second chances. One shot, one opportunity. If you miss it, you can take the bus back home.

There is a certain amount of calm that comes with being in the middle of a storm. Some of it manufactured, some of it a requisite of survival, and possibly some of it because life just can't be as bad as you might think it is. There is always a way it could be worse. And if you can't think of a possible scenario where that could be the case, that is a limitation of your imagination and not the overall depravity of reality. The only emergency is that there is no emergency.

What is it about hitting a crossroads that drives a man to the pen? I suppose it is a better outlet than the bottle. Sleepless nights and deep dark thoughts lead to deep frustration fueled meditation. Angst is good for the creative process. Jerry MaGuire had his mission statement, The Things We Think But Do Not Say. Unfortunately, there is nothing more overrated than the forgotten literature people clamor over when it is featured on a popular television show, especially as it relates to some level of personal crisis.  Case in point, you have Frank O'Hara's Meditations in an Emergency that made quite the splash on Mad Men. Having said that, there is something poignant about it.

Now I am quietly waiting for 

the catastrophe of my personality 

to seem beautiful again, 

and interesting, and modern. 

The country is grey and 

brown and white in trees, 

snows and skies of laughter 

always diminishing, less funny 

not just darker, not just grey. 

It may be the coldest day of 

the year, what does he think of 

that? I mean, what do I? And if I do, 

perhaps I am myself again.

[Meditations in an Emergency - Frank O'Hara]

As thoughts on life evolve, it becomes clear that there is a time to think, there is a time to act, and there ultimately is a time to move on. I believe in the Keep Choppin' mantra, but it might be time to start chopping another tree. And there is nothing inherently wrong with taking a break. In the words of an unknown warrior, "I am hurt but not slain. I'll lay me down and bleed a while. And then I'll rise up and fight again."

all head, all heart

Nothing attracts Aces like a King.

There is something about photography that makes even the rawest of amateurs believe that they are indeed artists from the moment they bust out their new cameras from their boxes. The relative accessibility of digital technology probably plays a factor, but for the most part I think a general lack of respect for the arts is what is driving this phenomenon.

Most people claim to value and even respect art. However, this usually only applies to refined and culturally accepted final works of art. There is no love for the process. There is no respect for the foundation that was painfully and carefully built. Technique doesn't happen overnight. You can get lucky a few times, but consistency is the true mark of a talented artist. Having said that, some of the artists who have produced the greatest works of art were wildly inconsistent.

I also believe there used to be a certain amount of luck or chance involved with artists who were discovered before the various information revolutions. I am certain that for every famous artist there were at least a dozen of the same caliber who went about their lives and to their deaths without any significant recognition or acknowledgement. However, today as the age of internet unfolds, any savvy person can potentially share their work instantly with billions around the world. Unfortunately, we are all being exposed to a lot more crap as well. 

More and more I feel that photography at its core is about art. While technique serves its purpose, without a heavy helping of heart and soul, I find that images are dull and lifeless. A muddled mind and a cold heart can only produce dead images. When the heart and mind are in alignment, beautiful and amazing things happen.

---

While I do think it is somewhat cowardly to hide behind an anonymous computer and rip into people, I find the Bitter Wedding Photographer to be pretty funny. I wish there was a local version of her persona, because there are plenty of photographers who deserve to be laughed at in the Washington, DC area. To be fair, I think there are lots of funny photographers in all markets and regions. 

Priorities

Life is and has always been about following an official or unspoken set of priorities.

You inevitably commit your time and resources to the things that you deem most valuable and important. When I was younger, money was more important than my time. But I am starting to realize that there is no substitute for time, especially lost time. There is no amount of money that can bring that back. Time is money, and you have to put your time and money where your mouth is. What is on a man's heart may be unspoken, but his actions speak volumes. And quite frankly, you really only need to read a few chapters to figure the rest out. A really good writer could get the job done in a few sentences or a paragraph.

In your 20s and 30s, usually that focus is on getting an education or pursuing a career. Passions, hobbies, and family responsibilities sometimes merge, but for the most part it is difficult to truly multi-task and "chase two rabbits." You can keep an eye on the other rabbit, but it is probably wise to start digging into one hole.

That is as far as my analysis (admittedly limited) goes, because I just hit my 30s. We shall see what new thoughts and ideas another decade of life will bring.

A huge game-changer in all of this is of course the introduction of a child. Time becomes an even scarcer commodity. At the same time, I think each and every parent has the option to choose just how complicated they will make the ordeal of raising their children. There is something to be said about standing on the shoulders of giants, but most parents have too much advice to give on theories that are far from verifiable and questionable at worst. The variables that exist are staggering and truly impossible to fully account for. Raising a child is a far too personal and unique experience to rely solely on the opinions of others, especially hyper active "Super-Moms." I don't know what does the trick for them, but a conversation with an eager Super-Mom is certainly one of my Kryptonites. Yawn. Wake me up when it's over. It is hard for me to feign interest in the latest baby gadgets and theories.

Sound advice... if you don't want your kid to play in the NFL.

I don't want my life to be all about my son. I do love the kid more than I thought I could ever possibly love a baby. I want to create a loving home for him and give him all the support he needs and wants, but I will not give up on my pursuits. I will not stop living "my life." Some people might say they are living for their children, but that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. And quite frankly, sometimes I think it is a cop-out. First and foremost, I need to pursue my passions and dreams to the fullest. If not, what will I tell my son one day? Follow your dreams, but just until you have your own kids? If it gets too hard at that point, give up and just console yourself by putting "parent" on your resume? If you are lazy, can you expect your child not to be? Would that be fair? I am sure there will be elements of hypocrisy in the traits and values I try to instill in my son, but I would at least like to try to be the smallest hypocrite I can possibly be.

The other harmful dynamic that I can understand people are susceptible to is the temptation to channel all your professional and personal frustrations into unrealistic expectations for your child. Yes, sometimes people hit their 1 outers, but for the most part it isn't fair to expect your kid to be a Rhodes Scholar who goes on to play in the NFL and walks the runways in Paris, Milan, and Tokyo on the side if you were a C student, in looks and in school (gym and core classes). Your child might one day grow up to be the President of the United States, but even that would require some hefty startup money on your part.

I don't claim to have the answers. I just kind of want to enjoy the ride. And if there are no answers at the end of it, that's fine by me too.

Infrared Goggles

I've posted about infrared photography before, but I'm going to do it again. I just love the effect. The contrast between light and dark presents the opportunity to create dreamy pictures.

On a bright sunny day with lots of "greenery" present, there is nothing I love more than popping a wide lens on my camera and shooting a scene with an infrared body. The greens wind up a creamy white in the final image. Some will claim that you can simulate any look with post processing. While I believe it is technically possible, I generally try to limit my time spent processing images. And quite frankly, I am not convinced the average Photoshop user can truly create infrared images that look as good as the real thing. As for film, I do believe that post processing can mimic the grain and overall look of film down to a level to a point where it would be indistinguishable from the real thing. Sorry purists, film is destined to go down the lonely path of records, 8 tracks, and cassette tapes, etc.

This last image is not an infrared one, but Sepia is another favorite color tone of mine. Technically, Sepia falls under the category of Black & White. In an ideal world, I think I would shoot 95% of my images in Black & White. And plus, I could simultaneously pay homage to Michael Jackson. Because as we all know, the natural progression from "it doesn't matter if you're black or white" is to embracing Black & White.

---

One morning I woke up and discovered I was 31 years old.

I feel restless.

The oldest person in the world recently passed away. Born in 1896, she was 114 years old.

I wonder how this individual was able to process and adapt to all the changes in our world. Commercial production of automobiles only started in 1891. The Wright Brothers hadn't even flown their first airplane yet. The world may have very well been flat, because so many fundamental aspects of globalization, like travel and communication, were moving along at a crawl. At least the wit of Mark Twain was readily available for entertainment. Good writing is one thing that will always stand the test of time.

We usually think of the past in terms of what is missing. It's painted as a dark era that is lacking the modern comforts and technological advances of today. Can you believe people lived without this? What would you do without that?

However, if one really thinks about it, there must be things that we are missing. Things that we have lost along the way.

Unadulterated Kidspeak

2011 may be off and running, but I feel as if I have been running in circles for the past few weeks. I am in major procrastination mode as of late but have decided to take the ol' blog for a spin. My to-do list is running long (and longer by the day), but writing has always been a catalyst for getting things done in my life.

I got to spend some time with my 6 year-old niece and her entourage this past weekend. She took an immediate liking to my son. I asked if the baby looked more like me or my wife. My niece paused thoughtfully. To quicken the decision process, I pulled my son up and placed his cheek against mine. Most people seem to think that Lex looks more like his daddy, so I was relatively confident that she would pick me. I smiled a big cheesy smile in anticipation of her choice.

She looked at the two of us carefully and intently. After some time, my niece eventually chose me.

I let out a happy chuckle and asked, "Why?"

"You both have chubby cheeks." = )... = (

I cracked up at her response. A kid will always give it to you straight, and I respect that. My niece is absolutely right, and I respect her honesty. I have been neglecting the G in GTL since my son was born, and I look forward to getting that part of my life back.

Cheeks in question

As for 2011, I do have lots of goals and objectives I wish to reach. However, I don't really believe in resolutions. I am excited about my website in production, and hope for continued growth as a photographer. I've given up on planning every single aspect of my life and checking off boxes as I go.

No resolutions. Just resolve.

---

And I know it may not seem like it as of late, but I really do not intend this to become a blog featuring photos of my son.

2010: In Closing

A year ago, my life was vastly different. While much of my life has been flipped upside down (in mostly good ways) since the end of 2009, my passions still remain in tact. New friends were made and the bond of some old friendships strengthened. 2010 was a year of much growth, and I got to experience many different aspects of photography, the highlight being the opportunity to photograph Tiger Woods on assignment for the Tiger Woods Foundation. It may not be a big deal to some who cover subjects of Tiger's caliber on a consistent basis, but it was an exciting and amusing experience for me.

I have big plans for my photography in 2011, and I look forward to their deliberate and careful execution. I might enjoy living life on the edge and taking unexpected detours, but I don't believe in shoddy half-assed effort. Hope is not a strategy. Sweat is the fuel that dreams are made of.

I recently read the following portion in the book "Fast Track Photographer" by Dane Sanders:

"When a [person] is looking for a photographer, [they] will commonly say something like 'photography is really important to me.' For the vast majority of [people], what that means is remembering the day well is important to them and they see photography as the vehicle for making that happen. Remembering the day well through photographs means they want those images to elicit feelings they want to have experienced or actually did experience on their special day. If the images are bad, of course, this will get in the way of the [person] experiencing those feelings. But this is important to remember: the images do not have to be museum pieces either. The important thing is that they fulfill the function for which they are designed. That is they work for the [client], not for you.


Think of it like a song that brings back a flood of feelings. A $10,000 sound system isn't required to bring those feelings back. The sound just needs to be good enough. And, since most people don't have a trained ear, even if it were on a great stereo, the experience wouldn't be much richer. 


[Most people] know the difference between good photography and bad photography. But very few people know the difference between good photography and great photography. So if your focus is more on being a brilliant photo artist than being a vehicle for feelings, you'll need to do more refocusing."


While I understand the sentiments behind the above passage, I strongly disagree with them. The notion of "good enough" based on the lowest common denominator really doesn't sit well with me. I believe there is honor in honing one's craft even if most people will not be able to appreciate the finer details and innate effort involved. I see absolutely nothing wrong with a focus on being (or trying to become) a brilliant photo artist. As it is implicit in the above paragraphs, I also don't see that the ongoing debate between form vs. function has to result in a mutually exclusive choice. Why not choose form and function?

Ironically, I also think Sanders is far too generous in his assessment of the general population's eye for photography. There is plenty of ample evidence (available for all to see on the web in the form of portfolios and comments) that most people in fact cannot tell the difference between good and bad photography. If the people want Philadelphia rolls, let them eat Philadelphia rolls. I just don't want to be the person peddling them. However, I strongly believe palates and an "eye" for photography can be developed.

Don't get me wrong. I realize this might come off as snooty photographer speak, but that is not my intention at all. I am far from where I want to be but see the path to where I want to go. I think there are too many shortcuts in life, none of them leading to true excellence. With a medium like photography, those shortcuts can appear much more enticing, because most would never know you are taking them. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with a Philadelphia roll, there is definitely a much better Japanese dining experience to be had.

I don't know if I will ever reach my full potential, but I will always strive to be the best photographer that I can be. I am probably the harshest critic of my work (despite the fact that photographers love cutting down the work of other photographers), and I hope to never lose my hunger for improvement.

Cheers, 2010. Bring it, 2011.

---

Here are some of my favorite images from 2010. It was a good year. It was a fun year. I will miss it.

[Underage Drinker]

[Bon Voyage]

Photographing my 92 year old grandmother is a memory I will always cherish.

[Portrait of an Artist]

I experimented a lot with a lifestyle look this year. Here my young nephew is busy eating snow in the middle of a photoshoot. To me, being a kid in the winter means ample opportunities to eat snow. If you haven't tried it as a kid, I would highly urge you to at least try it as an adult. Nothing says childhood and winter to me like eating snow. Peeing in the snow is a close second.

The following 4 images are from a wedding I was a second-shooter for. The day of this gig, I returned from a weekend bachelor party trip in Chicago. I was exhausted and wondered how I would shoot in such a tired mental state. Somehow I just let loose and got some of my best images that day. However, I would not recommend this approach nor attempt it on my own again, but hey, life happens. After having met Joe Buissink in Vegas, I must have channeled some of his energy. = )

I let the shutter drag at about 1/30. Usually this would create too much motion blur, but because of my external light source, the subjects were captured the way I wanted them to be.

Can you spot Barry Obama with his hand up? = )

There is something I love about trees, especially for engagement sessions. And much like each relationship, no two trees are exactly alike.

No single event of 2010 shook my world as much as the birth of my son. Capturing images of my child was an emotional and amazing exercise in photography. I look forward to documenting the rest of his life.

As my son lay bundled up in bed the morning after his birth, I couldn't help but marvel at how tiny this new fantastic little creature in my life was. Some might find it odd, but I loved incorporating an apple into this picture. His head really was not much bigger than that. And that is always how I will remember those early moments of peace.

The pink wrinkled fingers of my baby boy reminded me of the stitches on a baseball. Not sure why my mind is wired the way it is, but my hands have no choice but to follow and execute my vision.

I didn't think I would enjoy child photography, but there is something about it that is extremely rewarding. It is a bit frustrating since the subject is unable to follow directions, but the end result is always so precious. I also love the creative challenge of using available light and finding clean backdrops to create a studio look outside of the studio. I knew shooting off my flashes would not fly with my wife, so I made do and learned a ton in the process.

[Play That Funky Music White Boy]

That really was the song this guy was singing when I captured this moment. I love coming up with captions for photos, but sometimes they just attach themselves.

There were so many gigs and so many images, and I am certain I am forgetting a bunch of special ones. Forgive me. It is my head and not my heart.

I bid thee adieu, 2010.